Wednesday, October 18, 2006

The Triumphant Return of D.o.O.L.!

October is "Customer Appreciation Month" in the library. How, one may reasonably ask, can D.o.O.L. possibly give any more than the 110% he gives every other day of every other month of the year toward ensuring maximum "Customer" ecstasy short of stimulating them to orgasm? A fair question indeed.

Putting aside the somewhat offensive and likely true implication that during the other 11 months we merely engage in "Customer Toleration," I'm left with my default attitude of barely suppressed resentment-turning-to-rage when considering the metaphysical complexities of this month's celebration of "Appreciation." Luckily, for the second year in a row I was personally selected to whip up a little something special for our "Customers" this October.

God, how I despise that word and all its implications.

Anyway, as I was still reeling from an overheated summer of library thrills and heatstroke-induced chills when confronted with this task, I merely aped the half-assed presentation I had designed the year before. Last October I really believed I'd stumbled on a brilliant scheme of turning "Customer Appreciation Month" around on those self-same customers, jujitsu-style. While plying them with a dish of candy and a hand-decorated sign that insisted, "We appreciate you!" I shanghaied them into writing a brief comment on a paper-covered display table to tell us something they appreciated about the library.

Attempting to pull off this sophisticated trick two years running may have proved too clever by half. While last year's unwitting customers were roped in by the promise of a refreshing starlight mint in exchange for a brief scrawl of how much they heart-ed the library, this year's crop of comments turned rancid within a few days. Aside from the occasional gang symbol, which is to be expected, I've had to witness a seemingly never-ending procession of young hooligans explaining how the library "sux" in between jotting pledges of sweet love to their girlfriends or inking Spanish curse words they don't think I know.

Oh, I know. By now, I do know.

If my lobbying campaign succeeds by next October and this travesty of an "Appreciation Month" is overturned, we can all look forward to "Library Appreciation Decade." Highlights will include a dramatically loosened disciplinary policy wherein a team of North Korean riot police will have trained our staff in advanced techniques of squashing dissent and silencing protest. How I look forward to those golden fall days.


Blogger Adjective Queen said...

I'd be curious to learn a couple of those Spanish curse words -- Chingau! Welcome back, DoOL.

5:54 AM  
Blogger craftyminx said...

You're back! woot! I learned a lot of those words while student teaching at SFS. Too bad I couldn't use them as the teacher. I'm convinced it would have been a lot more effective than the disipline plan I was provided with.

8:28 AM  
Blogger GypsyFolklorist said...

With your triumphant return to blogspot I must say, with no feigned enthusiasm. All the customers deserve in the way of appreciation is that they don't get maced with lysol everytime they bring their skanky asses into use the free internet.

2:56 PM  
Blogger pastgrace said...

Gosh! I was beginning to think that you were never going to write again. I absolutely love your observations on life. Please, please, please don't leave us so long again. (By the way, I learned the please, please, please from my kids.)

4:47 PM  
Blogger queenbee said...

As a former employee of the library, I must admit I do not miss the Customer Appreciation days. Working in an academic library, I hear words of "appreciation" from our students on a daily basis.

6:58 AM  

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